FUCK THIS SHIT O'CLOCK

ANTHONY GRIFFITH SILENCES CROWD

An incredibly moving moment by a very funny man.

CHASTITY BELT

I'm wondering if I should steal this guy's idea and use it to attract Allyson Felix.

SHAMELESS IPHONE APPEAL

You may be saying right now, "Wow, Mark is incredibly solipsistic and greedy, asking people to buy him an iPhone."

But let me explain.

We have wedding registries, baby shower registries, gift registries, etc., but no "Ah Hell I Just Want That But Don't Want To Get Married Or Have A Baby To Ask For It" registries.

One of my 2012 resolutions is to promote "Personal Life" registries. These are just like wedding and baby shower registries, but without the weddings or the babies.

And with ChipIn you don't even have to buy the whole thing. Throw in a dollar (or more if you like) and - boom - you've made someone happy.

Then go and create your own Personal Life Registry.

ADVERTISING JIHAD

Tampa-based hate Conservative Christian group, Florida Family Association, has issued an advertising jihad against The Learning Channel's "All American Muslim" TV show. The reason? Because "the show profiles only Muslims that appear to be ordinary folks while excluding many Islamic believers whose agenda poses a clear and present danger to the liberties and traditional values that the majority of Americans cherish."


How dare TLC show "ordinary" Muslims living in America. Don't they know Muslims aren't ordinary? They are fiendish and diabolical. Fareed Zakaria? Rasheed Wallace? Dr. Mehmet Oz? All evil. Muslims are probably using the show to send out secret messages to other Muslims to overthrow America.

And home improvement chain Lowes totally agrees. Lowes has pulled its advertising from "All-American Muslim" and despite a huge uproar from Americans who don't realize how dangerous all Muslims are, is sticking by its decision. 

Good for you Lowes. All-American, as long as you're not Muslim.

Photo courtesy: Manic Muslim

NEW Wii GAME IS THE SHIT

When it comes to peeing games, Shoot The Floater is an all-time favorite. But now there will soon be  honest to god urinal games from the British company Captive Media. The whizzes over at Captive Media have developed games powered by your own pee. Too bad the name Nintendo Wii is already taken.

And what's the one thing that would make a peeing video game even better? Having poo-powered lighting. Dutch electronics company Philips has created Bio-Light, a greener lighting system powered by "glowing bioluminescent bacteria that thrive on waste generated in the average home." That's a fancy way of saying "poo."


Now if only a company could combine the two so you have to work in teams. One whizzing the game, the other powering the lighting from a stall. I can hear it now.

"I need more power."

"I'm giving her all I've got."

I love living in the age of enlightenment. 

WELCOME

Welcome to Chubby's Deli. What, you may be asking yourself, is Chubby's Deli? Let me tell you.

Back when I lived in Brooklyn, I had a fairly successful blog called Left in Bay Ridge. It was all about my life in Bay Ridge. My wife worked in Manhattan and I spent my days in Right leaning Bay Ridge. Thus the magnificent play of words on my blog title.

Last year we moved to Studio City, CA - Gateway to the San Fernando Valley. My wife works in Long Beach and I spend my days in Left leaning Studio City. So I started a blog called Left in the Shire.

But it didn't have the same punch. Brooklyn and Studio City are every different. In Brooklyn there is a huge blogging community, all blogging about different neighborhoods. Not so much in Studio City. There isn't that community out here and the neighborhoods have a very different feel.

I became uninspired and didn't feel like writing anything. "Blogging is dead," I kept hearing. Facebook and Twitter became the new way. But I still missed blogging. So why not try something new? Something that might inspire me? Something that's basically the same thing but with a new name?

And thus Chubby's Deli was born. A place where you can get a little bit of this and a little bit of that and on a good day, you can get some fresh sardines.